How to Fix a Sexless Marriage: Finding Your Way Back to Each Other

couples marriage Sep 13, 2025

If you’re searching for how to fix a sexless marriage, you’re not alone.

Quietly, behind closed doors, many married couples find themselves wondering the same thing.

'How did we get here?' 'Can we find our way back?'

At Hue Therapy in Copenhagen, we often meet people navigating this space. A mix of longing, confusion, and distance.

Whether you’re simply having less sex than you used to or missing an emotional connection, this is a tender, common place to land.

And it’s also a place to begin.

What Does a Sexless Marriage Really Mean?

When people type sexless marriage into Google, they’re often met with alarming statistics, labels, and percentages. But what’s rarely discussed is what it actually feels like to lie next to your partner and wonder where the spark has gone.

A sexless marriage is typically defined as having sex fewer than 10 times a year.
But more important than the numbers is this: Do you feel wanted? Do you feel close? Are your sexual needs being met?
Some couples are genuinely content with less sex. Others feel a growing ache, a quiet drift into emotional distance.

A lack of intimacy doesn’t just mean less sex; it often signals a deeper emotional disconnection. And the root cause is rarely just about physical desire.

Why Do Married Couples Stop Having Sex?

There’s no single answer here. In our work at Hue Therapy, we see many relationship dynamics that slowly push couples apart.

Life changes: parenting, career pressures, changes in daily life, stress levels, and just not having enough time.
Physical health issues: hormonal changes, low libido, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or other medical conditions that make sex more complicated.
Psychological issues: mental health struggles, low self-esteem, or emotional wounds that build walls between partners.
Relationship problems: unspoken hurts, bad habits, loss of feminine or masculine energy, or just forgetting to prioritise each other.

Sometimes, it’s the little things that slowly shift the tone of a relationship over a long time. And often, it’s not a lack of love, it’s a lack of sexual intimacy that’s been left unattended.

Is It Normal to Have Less Sex in Long-Term Relationships?

Yes. Long-term romantic relationships evolve. Sexual energy naturally shifts, especially as daily life becomes fuller and more complex.

Studies show that married couples often have less sex as time goes on.
The “percent problem”: It’s easy to get caught up in how much sex you should be having, but comparing yourself to the average doesn’t tell you much about your own emotional or sexual connection.
Some couples go through phases where sex feels far away. What matters is whether you both feel emotionally safe and connected.

Numbers will never tell you what good sex actually feels like.

How Can Open Communication Improve Sexual Intimacy?

When sexual problems emerge, many couples stop talking about them altogether. That silence creates more distance.

Open communication is the first step toward rebuilding both emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.
Explore each other’s sexual needs without judgment. Stay curious. Focus on each other, not just on the issue.
Learn your partner’s love languages. Understanding what makes each other feel valued is often more important than how much sex you’re having.
Gently unpack the relationship dynamics that are getting in the way. Sometimes it’s about stress, sometimes emotional disconnection, sometimes the way we stopped looking at each other.

A healthy relationship isn’t built on performance. It’s built on feeling seen.

What Are the First Steps to Fixing a Sexless Marriage?

The first step doesn’t need to be big. In fact, it’s better if it’s not.

Prioritise quality time together. Go for a walk. Share a cup of tea. Talk about things that have nothing to do with the problem.
Focus on the little things. Small moments of affection, touches that don’t lead anywhere, kindness without pressure.
Find new ways to build closeness. It might be playfulness, it might be rest, it might be learning how to slow down in each other’s company.
Notice habits that could be getting in the way, like blame, avoidance, and closing off, and see if you can soften them.

Sometimes, each other’s emotional needs need tending before the sexual relationship can feel safe again.

Can Therapy Help Save a Sexless Marriage?

It can. You don’t need to navigate this alone.

Marriage counselling, couples therapy, and sex therapy offer spaces where you can talk about the hard stuff with a guide.
A sex therapist can help you work through sexual dysfunction, low desire, mismatched sex drives, and painful emotional cycles.
Some people prefer online therapy for comfort and privacy; others feel better sitting in a room together.
Family therapists may be helpful if extended family dynamics are contributing to stress or relationship problems.

Therapy isn’t about finding the best way to have more sex. It’s about creating space to understand what’s going on, with tenderness.

How to Rebuild Physical and Sexual Intimacy Step-by-Step

Jumping straight back into sexual activity is rarely the way forward.

Start with a physical connection that isn’t about sex. Hand-holding. Hugging. Sitting closer. Slow presence.
Understand spontaneous desire (that quick spark) versus responsive desire (where desire builds through emotional closeness).
Let go of the pressure to aim for intercourse. Focus instead on physical intimacy that feels safe, relaxed, and connected.
Explore new ways of being close. Try mindful touch, experiment with non-sexual sensuality, or revisit the little gestures you once enjoyed.

A healthy sex life is rarely built on frequency. It’s built on emotional safety and playful curiosity.

What Are the Most Common Sexual Problems and How to Address Them?

Many couples face sexual problems, but rarely talk about them openly.

Low libido is common and can be linked to stress levels, hormonal changes, or emotional exhaustion.
Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and sexual dysfunction can deeply affect self-esteem but are often manageable with support.
Psychological issues like anxiety, depression, or low self-worth can quietly suppress desire.
Medical conditions and physical health issues can affect both desire and comfort.

Addressing the root cause, whether it’s physical, emotional, or relational, is the most compassionate starting point.

What If My Partner Doesn’t Want to Try?

Sometimes one person is ready to reconnect, and the other isn’t.

Start by understanding what’s beneath the resistance. Is it low desire, emotional pain, or simply the feeling of being overwhelmed by life?
Stay curious, not forceful. Sometimes, just being asked “what’s it like for you right now?” can soften a closed door.
Gently invite them to consider professional help, whether that’s sex therapy, couples therapy, or simply a conversation with a relationship coach.
Even if your partner isn’t ready, there’s value in exploring your own feelings, softening emotional walls, and choosing presence.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer is time, patience, and the belief that each other is still worth reaching for.

Can You Really Get Your Marriage Back on Track?

The good news is that many sexless marriages do find their way back. It's a good time to reiterate that a sexless marriage doesn't negate a happy marriage.

The driving force is usually small, steady, intentional change, not dramatic solutions.
It’s about making space for emotional intimacy first, and letting physical intimacy follow in its own time.
There’s no “back to normal”. Often, what you build next is something more honest, more attuned to the people you are now.
The next time you choose each other, it counts. Even in long-term relationships, choosing each other again is what keeps you close.

There are many effective ways to rekindle a connection, but most of them start with kindness.