#31: The Places We Belong: Navigating Identity Across Borders

Maybe this feels familiar.

 You’ve done the hard part. You moved. You settled. You figured out the public transport, the word for “receipt,” and which oat milk works best in your morning coffee. On paper, it looks like you’re thriving.

But there is a part of you that knows something stirs beneath the surface. 

Maybe it’s a quiet Sunday. You walk through a local market, the food is beautiful, the pace is slow, and yet, there’s a sudden ache.

You wish you were sitting in your best friend’s kitchen, laughing over something ridiculous while she tops up your coffee without asking. It’s not about the market. It’s about the space between where you are and where you feel known.

What does it mean to belong when you live far from home?

Belonging is not just about being accepted by a group, it’s about being recognised. About walking into a space and exhaling because your presence makes sense there.

As an expat, this can feel slippery. There may be lovely people around you. There may be language exchange groups or after-work drinks. But when something heavy lands like an unexpected memory, a long day, a quiet sadness, you realise you don’t yet have anyone to call without over-explaining.

Belonging becomes less about fitting in and more about feeling real. Feeling seen without having to translate yourself.

Why do expats often feel like they’re living multiple lives?

In your home country, you might be the friend who’s always up for a chat. Here, you’re the one who gets mentally exhausted halfway through a social event because you’re thinking in two languages and still don’t quite get the jokes.

You may notice different versions of yourself showing up. The competent professional you are at work. The invisible you in the grocery store queue. The tender, nostalgic version of you who surfaces when someone from home sends a voice note.

And so you start to wonder, 'Which one is real?'

Try keeping a journal where each version of you has space to speak. Let them share what they need, what they miss, and how they want to grow. You don’t have to merge them. Just begin by listening.

How can therapy support identity adjustment in a new country?

When you arrive in a new place, there’s a flurry of doing. It looks like finding a flat, starting a job, getting your tax ID sorted, and locating your favourite cafe. On the surface, everything appears to be moving forward. But beneath all that doing, a softer question often begins to stir: Who am I here? 

This is the heart of cultural adjustment. It’s not just about learning new customs or picking up local phrases. It’s about recalibrating your sense of self in response to a culture that doesn’t mirror you back in the way you’re used to.

Maybe you’ve moved from somewhere more relaxed, like Australia, to a place like Denmark, where cultural norms prize directness, personal space, and quiet routines. You might find yourself questioning yourself. Conversations that once flowed now feel clunky. You wonder if you’re “too much” or not enough. Even simple interactions at work, on the street, or in a café can leave you second-guessing yourself.

Pause and reflect on what cultural traits you admire and which ones feel misaligned. Then write down five things you value about how you were raised and qualities that still feel like home. Keep them somewhere visible. Let them guide you as you shape your identity in this new landscape.

What unique mental health challenges do expats face?

Some days feel fine. Others feel heavy in ways you can’t quite name.

You might feel:

• An undercurrent of anxiety that never quite lifts
• A persistent tiredness from the subtle efforts 
• A loss of appetite or a reliance on food for comfort
• Emotionally stuck, because there’s no one to share the little things with
• A lack of spontaneity that leaves you overthinking every social moment
• Numb on holidays because the rituals are all different. The food, the weather, the language. And some part of you wonders, 'Is this the rightplace for me?'

Sometimes, these are signs of disordered eating, low mood, or simply unprocessed grief. You don’t have to label it to ask for help. A clinical psychologist or therapist trained in expat counselling can help you name what’s happening, begin to shift it and help it take form.

Is there a way to feel at home again, even in a foreign country?

Yes. But not all at once. And not by pretending.

You can begin by noticing what brings you peace. A walk in the park. A certain kind of tea. A playlist from a former life.

You can create small rituals. Friday night phone calls to your sister, a language class, or a walk at the same time and in the same place each morning. These small habits anchor you in something consistent. And over time, these things begin to say: I belong here too.

Can my relationship survive cultural stress?

When you relocate, your relationship relocates too.

You might notice new tensions. One of you adjusts faster. One of you misses home more. Tiny misunderstandings feel bigger when your support network is smaller.

Try scheduling a weekly check-in where you each share one thing that’s felt hard and one thing you’ve appreciated about the other person. Keep it simple. Stay curious. Let this become a habit that strengthens your bond.

How does Hue Therapy support expats in transition?

We know the terrain. Whether you’re navigating a new city, a shift in identity, or changes in your relationship, we’re here to meet you where you are.

At Hue Therapy, we support:

• People adjusting to life in a foreign country
• Couples experiencing relational tension due to cultural adjustment, relocation, or shifting roles
• Clients navigating mental health issues, including anxiety, grief, and burnout
• Individuals and families rebuilding routine, identity, and connection in a new culture

If you're not sure you're ready for therapy, you can still follow us on social media platforms for gentle insights, reflective questions, and upcoming group sessions.

How do I find the right therapist as an expat in Denmark?

You need someone who gets it. Not just the clinical theory, but the lived texture of life abroad.

At Hue Therapy, we offer:

• English-speaking therapists with years of experience
• Expat therapists who speak multiple languages
• A focus on expat counselling and relational therapy
• Flexible options for online sessions or in-person therapy

The right therapist will listen to what’s said and what’s unsaid. We’re here to help you find that person.

What happens next if I want to book therapy?

You can start small. A message. A few lines in a contact form.

We’ll help you from there, matching you with a therapist who fits your needs. Whether you want to speak with someone once or walk through a longer season together, we’re here.

You belong even if you’re still figuring out where.

Belonging isn’t about being perfect at integration. It’s about making room for your full self.
And therapy can be one of those rooms.